How To Be Present When You Just Can't Be There

We live in a busy world where we can virtually interact with just about anyone whenever we want. It's convenient to email, to post on a wall, to private message, to text. We send out requests and our friends and family can respond whenever it's convenient for them. How awesome is that?!

This technological blessing poses a huge social problem though: real-life interaction has become an inconvenience. It's harder to make time for other people (the time it takes to make an appointment that is "convenient" for all parties, the time it takes to get to them or for them to get to you, the time it takes to actually converse, face to face, and the time it takes to return to life as normal) when you can spend 10-15 seconds online and "like" or comment to show you care and it's perfectly acceptable.

I don't know about you, but I actually miss the days where a phone call was considered normal. We learned how to interact and interpret tone of voice and verbiage when facial expressions and body language weren't included, how to make meaningful (and sometimes not) conversation on the spot, how to be spontaneous and how to speak our mind with tact and grace. Sure, I've said some really dumb things before and hurt feelings when I didn't mean to, and I've even spent hours on the phone saying nothing at all. It was the idea that someone was there for me and I for them, their presence, availability, and willingness to dedicate their time to me was the most meaningful. Sure, 10-15 seconds counts, but there's nothing like that feeling after you've unexpectedly run into someone you haven't seen in [fill in the blank] at the supermarket and spent 2 minutes catching up. Face to face. The odds of you being in the same place at the same time without having planned it are slim to none, but it happened! Your paths crossed and wow, how great it was to see them! "We should get together soon!"

There it is. The social kiss of death. An ambiguous open invitation for face-to-face interaction with no defined time frame or activity.

I am the absolute worst at doing this. Using "soon" to set up another visit and realizing that years later I still haven't made the commitment to make time for that person. Phone calls have become reserved for telemarketers (no matter how many times I put my number on the "do not call" list, which is ironic in and of itself) and refilling my prescriptions. I can't even tell you the last time I called a friend "just to chat." And now I have to confess something to you: this blog post is actually more for me than it is for you!

My second direct sales company was founded on the "person-to-person" contact I mentioned in my previous post. We're not allowed to have "virtual parties" or "online catalog shows." They want us to interact with people! That's actually one of the main things that drew me to it. I thought, "this business philosophy will give me an excuse...no, an opportunity to branch out and see people!"

The underlying tag on there is the word "sooner." Tell me, what is sooner than soon? I promise I'm not trying to mimic Dr. Seuss and make a funny play on words here. If you don't have a planner that's attached to your person at all times managing what you're doing when and where, soon will never be defined, and most likely, I could've just said, "soon will never be." Isn't that sad???

So, how do we fix this? Well, for starters, we rid our vocabulary of the word soon and change it to "next week," "next month," or better yet, "next Tuesday at 6." The organizational gurus out there will benefit from actually writing it down - making the invisible offer attached to something makes it visible, makes it real, and makes it a commitment. It says, "I am saving this time for you."

Now, in a perfect world, we all do as we say and reserve that time, show up, connect, fill our social quota, and set up another opportunity (not again sometime, or soon, or later in the month) so the process will repeat. But we live in THIS world and conflicts happen! ALL THE TIME! I would actually be surprised if a conflict hasn't come up at least once while you're reading this (and mega kudos to you if it has and you've come back to finish it)!

So, how can you be there without actually being there? Here are a few of the ways I've found to overcome the scheduling obstacles, and I encourage you to try them out.

1. Make a phone call--5 minutes is WAY easier than counting the time to get ready, go somewhere, communicate, and come back. The challenge is in making those 5 minutes count. If you're anything like me now that technology has taken over our interactions, you'll absolutely relate to this video.
2. Ask if you can use FaceTime/Skype if you really wanted to attend something but just couldn't get out of [fill in the blank].
3. Offer an alternative. "I'm sorry, Suzie, I thought I had that time open, but [x] has come up... can we meet for coffee on the 10th so you can fill me in on what I missed?" Easy peasy. Oh, and you get one-on-one time instead of interacting with a group, which is always a perk for the introverts out there!
4. Mail a hand-written letter if you're not a phone-call person. (I do this a LOT.) The time it takes you to sit down, write it out, and mail it off speaks volumes about your dedication to reaching out to them. It's still convenient - they can read it whenever, but odds are you'll make their day.

Now, in reference to home-shows and direct sales, all of the above are applicable, but there are a couple more (probably obvious) options available for you:

1. Shop online or make a purchase if possible. It shows you support their endeavors even though you can't actually be there for the fun. (Challenge: schedule an in-person catalog viewing with your friend so you can see them AND support them all at the same time!)
2. Share it with your friends. Maybe you can't attend or make a purchase, but one of your friends might, and as we've discussed earlier, the more connections we can make, the better!
3. Schedule your own show from that hostess' referral. Yes, this means making a commitment on your own, but often times, the hostess will get an extra perk for referring friends and you'll have another chance to get together with your crowd as well as your friend. Double bonus!
4. Interact with the online event page as much as possible. 10-15 seconds once a day for the week leading up to the party is nothing compared to the disappointed and lonely feeling a hostess gets when no one is responding, no one RSVP's, and no one participates. Your interaction actually helps "weight" the event in other people's newsfeed so they are more likely to see it, which increases the odds of more people participating, joining, hosting, buying, connecting, etc.

See? There are ways to show you care other than buying things! And if the stars align and you CAN attend the event, do not show up with the preconception that you have to buy something to matter. Your presence is what matters. Your friendship, interaction, and the fact that you reserved some of your time to be spent with that person is monumental for your relationship. Your purchase is simply a bonus.


I hope you enjoyed this post. Let me know if you try the tips out and how it changes your social life! As always, you're welcome to add a constructive comment below, subscribe to this blog, or visit me on Facebook at Touch Of Class and/or Touch Of Destiny.